Posts Tagged ‘prayer’
What To Pray For…
I asked her “How do you want me to pray?”
She smiled. “Pray for healing….but….” She paused to look out the window. “I’m not afraid to die. I’m going to see Jesus. I just don’t want to suffer. I don’t want that for my family.”
She turned back to look at me. She was smiling with eyes bright and clear. There wasn’t a hint of resentment or bitterness. There was no dread or self-pity. Just a prayer that sounded a lot like Paul’s prayer – “for me to live is Christ, to die is gain.”
She didn’t sound like someone who’d been told that the tumor was cancerous and inoperable. She didn’t sound like someone who knew that her “homecoming” was near. And she then waited for me to pray.
I don’t want to pray for acceptance of this. I don’t want this to be the verdict. I can’t count how many meals we ate at her table or how many naps our kids took upstairs. How many football games in front of the fireplace? Or tears of laughter at her crazy stories? How many hours of sleep did we bypass for card games and movies?
She always had ice cream, she always had room for one more around the table. She modeled how to love others with the gift of hospitality. She had a basement full of playpens, high chairs, toddler toys, bouncy seats, sippee cups, small spoons, and bibs. She had that cool Fisher Price barn with the mooing cow barn doors and the hammer and big wooden nails bench. If you were a young family with small kids, she was a lifesaver. We could go over and not have to pack up the house to do it.
I don’t remember what I prayed. I didn’t make it very far before the tears started leaking in anyway. I feel so very inadequate in this moment. Small. Insignificant. As if I’m interrupting a private conversation. And this is as it should be because this moment is about her and Jesus.
There is a strength in her faith I do not yet have but hope to one day achieve. But for today…for now…I’m sad. And I’ll honor her prayer because I don’t know what else to pray for…
The Silence of God
Had a friend confide in me this:
People keep talking about how our prayers aren’t answered because we don’t pray correctly. I get exasperated at that notion. Are there set rules for how you approach a deity? I understand that “oh Lord won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz” is probably not what prayer is all about. AND I know James speaks about not being double minded when we pray. But I find it hard to believe that when I pray about something that appears to go unanswered (or not answered in the way I would like it to be) that this is due to my not speaking the right words in the right way. I think that unanswered prayer has more to due with the differences in our perspective as opposed to God’s perspective.
My first thought is this – all prayer is answered. All. It’s either a yes, no, or wait. Having said that, it doesn’t make the silence of God any easier to understand. I remember as a kid asking for something and the worse possible answer you could get was “wait” or “not now.” The. Absolute. Worst. Answer. Ever.
Wait is ambiguity at its best. Wait tests to the core the true character of who I am…and the failure rate is at times alarming. Wait is that sick feeling at the top of the roller coaster in between the climb and when the bottom falls out from underneath you. Looking back — it’s a split second. In that moment — it’s an eternity. Wait. Not now.
What would happen in that split second at the top of the coaster if I decided I was tired of waiting and did something about it? Like — get out of the coaster. Unhooked the safety harness? Unpacked a sandwiched and a drink to stay for a while? It’s ridiculous to think like that, isn’t it? The impatience would get you killed. The complacency would get you messy. The only response that makes sense in that moment is readiness…just be ready. Do what you know to do — which on a coaster is raise up your hands and scream like a little girl.
Real life is that coaster – our life is but a vapor – about the length of a coaster ride. And I’m not trying to diminish the moment between the climb and drop. There is real hurt, frustration, confusion, and anguish in those moments. But that just further amplifies what God says to us — BE STILL and KNOW. Don’t get ahead, don’t lag behind. Be ready. Wait. Be still. It’s not a ‘unpack the lunch, pitch the tent’ kind of wait. It’s not a run ahead of God kind of wait. It’s a wait kind of wait. Active, ready, stillness wait.
Stillness is different than complacency. But that might just be another post.
Sermon Planning
Yesterday morning I sat down with two other ministry leaders to plan out our year in sermon series. I have a love-hate relationship with this process. I love the freedom it gives us down the road. That’s right – freedom. Planning this far in advance, frees the team up to do more than you can possibly imagine. It gives them think/plan time. Once this gets typed up and communicated, it’s going to help all of our ministries understand where we are going this year and how they can help drive us forward.
The hate part…it’s work. I don’t want to get ahead of God but on the other hand, I’m learning that He’s wired me to run this way. Plus we hold it loosely. It’s hard, gut-wrenching work and it can test a team to the brink – if you value having a team work on it. And I do. I’ve been here 4 months. Not a lot of time to build up the trust tank. But it is what it is…and at some point you’ve just got to risk it.
I’ll share later what exactly came out of the time but as I look back yesterday what was so valuable to me was the time we spent in prayer…seeking God’s face. Here are some of the snippets…
Father, I’m humbled that You’ve entrusted us with the feeding of your people. Give us wisdom in this task.
Spirit of God, work and lead beyond our expertise. Overcome our failings and shortcomings as leaders.
We are driven people in this room. Slow us down. To listen to your whispers.
Prevent anything from getting on the calendar that isn’t of you, from you.
We got a lot done yesterday. But the best thing was a team silent, pleading, listening, asking, knocking, seeking God. If we hadn’t got anything else done, it would have been worth the time.
An Incredible Lunch
Had lunch today with Miss Marjerie Fox. It was like spending the afternoon with Angela Lansbury. She told me that her husband led her to the Lord after he was led to the Lord by a bar owner who was a customer of her husband’s beer distribution company.
But that wasn’t the most incredible thing about lunch.
She told me about the Bible study she leads on Thursday afternoons at a local nursing home. As well as the one at our church. As well as another one on one study she has.
But that wasn’t the most incredible thing either.
At the beginning of lunch, I asked our server if there was anything we could pray for him about. I do this whenever I eat out. Our guy’s name was Jeff and his dad is being deployed. He looked shocked I asked but thankful.
Marjerie asked me if I’ve ever had anyone tell me no. I haven’t but it’s led to some pretty interesting conversations.
But that wasn’t the incredible thing about lunch either.
Jeff leaves the check with us and he’s written a note on the receipt. It said thank you, made my day.
He comes back for the card and says obviously you haven’t looked at the receipt. We tell him we had and that it was a nice note.
It hits me that I never looked at the bill. He had comped our entire meal. Paid for it all.
He said it was one of the nicest things that had ever been done for him – that someone would pause to pray for him. He also said to be sure to sit in his section the next time we were in. Then he gave us a free dessert to take home.
We wanted to pray for our server just to be a blessing to him and he ended up being a bigger one for us.
And all of that made it an incredible lunch.