Camber: Do you think I’d understand your preacher if I went to your church?

Camber’s Friend: Maybe. I don’t know. Wait, what’s the “Preacher?”

Camber: The guy that stands up and teaches you the Bible.

Camber’s Friend: Oh. We call him “Father.”

Camber: I call our preacher Father too…because he is my father.

That’s funny. We just exploded in laughter when Camber told us this.

I see a friend, do the honk thing and wave and she doesn’t see me. Okay, she’s looking over but she doesn’t really recognize me. I’ll call her.

GE: “Hey, look behind you!!”

Her: “Uhhhhh, okay.”

GE: (Noticing that the woman in front of me A) has not picked up her cell phone and B) is not looking behind her.)

Her: Grant?

GE: “You wouldn’t happen to be at 10th and Fairlawn would you? Perchance? Please?”

Her: Nope.

GE: Allllllrighty then. I’m now turning at Fairlawn.

I don’t remember much else of the conversation and hoping I didn’t scare the other lady to bits. But’s this one is still the all time classic. Be sure to scroll down and read Chris “Coach” Lane’s comment.

We had a local Christian bookstore in Parker with a coffee shop and stage for live music. It was a great theory, great location, great vibe in the store. There were only a couple of problems.

The books were expensive. I could get the same books for 30% off Amazon or CBD.

It took forever to special order books. Especially when I could get it in two days from Amazon and CBD.

The coffee was the same price as Starbucks and was terrible.

The music was twice as expensive as buying it from iTunes.

So I had a half hour to kill in Topeka, I poked my head into our local Christian bookstore. I ended up picking up a Boice’s commentary on Ephesians. (His 3 volume work on Genesis is a must for any teacher.) I drifted over into the music/dvd section…I noticed that once again, a full priced CD was almost 50% more expensive that buying it on iTunes. The irony was I could buy a CD from my iPhone right there in the store cheaper off of their Wi-fi than walking 10 feet to the register.

I’m not sure how they stay in business. And while I’d love to have a Christian bookstore flourish, I’m not sure that’s going to happen while charging customers up to 50% more for stuff they can get online. They did have this huge gift section with paintings of lighthouses, crosses, and eagles. I’ve yet to see a Christian bookstore without these items.

So with that as my total experience with sump pumps I tackled our new (to us) home’s sump pump which wasn’t sucking. But since that is what sump pumps are supposed to do (suck) when they don’t do that, it sucks.

Big Tom was a huge help. We bailed water together. Once I realized that nothing was blocking the pump, I remembered that I had a home warranty. My last experience with a home warranty company was an utter disaster. But everybody and their dog says to buy one. I didn’t want to but my real estate agent got it thrown in as a bonus.

I called AHS at 5.30. At 6.00 pm, Ace plumbing called. At 6.25, Bob showed up. At 6.40, a new pump was installed. 7.00 pm all was well.

What do I know now about sump pumps that I didn’t know before? Not much, really.

Tool Glossary

TOOLS EXPLAINED

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to cuss.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

X*(%$#%@%&%*&)(-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ‘X*(%$#%@%&%*&)(-IT’ at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.