family ramblings
Plumbing Consecration
This originally appeared as a weekly devo for whillschurch.org
As Mari was teaching this past weekend about the Ark and the people of Israel consecrating themselves for the journey ahead (Joshua 3), I started thinking about my tub. I had to fix mine this past weekend and it’s been rumored that the average home repair takes 3 trips to the local hardware store. Personally, I’d love it if it only took me 3 visits. Fortunately for me, I didn’t need any trips to the store for this fix. We had a slow drain.
The big decision I had to make was this – should I lug my whole, heavy toolbox upstairs or just grab the tools that I need? Obviously, I don’t want to be carry all that weight and all those tools upstairs. Besides that, I’ve done this job before so I know what I’m doing.
Trip Downstairs #1: I grabbed my channel-lock pliers, a screwdriver, and a wire coat hanger. Why the coat hanger? Ask someone who has daughters or a wife with long hair. They can tell you the gross details.
I get back upstairs to the tub, grip the top of the drain with the channel-locks and quickly realize that I cannot hold on to the bottom part of the drain. It’s too slippery. I need another set of channel-locks.
Trip Downstairs #2: Get second set of channel-locks.
Back upstairs to the tub, grip the bottom of drain. Top turns right off with little problem. Grab screwdriver to completely remove drain when I notice I have a Phillips head and I need a flathead.
Trip Downstairs #3: Grab flathead screwdriver.
Back upstairs to the tub, put screwdriver into tub drain and now see that this particular flathead is too narrow. I need a wider flathead.
Trip Downstairs #4: Grab fatter flathead screwdriver.
Back upstairs to the tub, fatter flathead works like a charm. Drain comes right off. Grab wire hanger to clean out drain. Realize I don’t have my plastic trash bag to put treasure that I am digging up.
Trip Downstairs #5: Grab plastic trash bag. Grab rubber gloves. Pat myself on back for avoiding Trip Downstairs #6.
Back upstairs to the tub, clean out drain with no problem. Put…stuff in bag and then tie bag up.
Put drain drain back together and realize that during Trip Downstairs #5, I took the fat flathead out of my pocket to answer the phone. Fat Flathead is now sitting on downstairs kitchen counter.
Trip Downstairs #6: Grab fatter flathead.
Back upstairs to the tub, put the drain back in with no problem. Grab bag to throw. Bask in the glory of a job done.
Trip Downstairs #7: Grab an ice tea and some peanuts. Amy asks – did you test to see if that solved the problem?
Back upstairs to the tub. Turn on water. Drains like a…well…not really sure what simile to use here. It works great.
Trip Downstairs #8: Tell Amy yes. Realize I left my drink on the bathroom counter upstairs.
Sell the house for a single floor, ranch style home.
I am curious how many of us approach our faith like this? We show up to a task bringing the bare minimum of what we think is required for the job. After all, we’ve done this before. We know what we are doing. We just want to get this done so that we can go on with the rest of our day/week/life.
Instead, our lack of CONSECRATION to the task at hand turns a simple job into a lot of work, a lot of frustration, and at times makes the accomplishment of the task impossible.
I loved Mari’s definition of Consecration she taught us this week – to make ready, to get prepared. When God told the Israelites to Go!, He first told them to GET READY – to consecrate themselves. Do what you know to do, what you need to do to be in a place to obey, to get the job done.
Next time you hear a GO! from the Lord, consecrate yourself. Bring the whole tool box.
20 Years and some Disney Magic
This year was our 20-year anniversary. Now this is a significant date for me for a couple of reasons. First, I’m one of the only family members (that married) that hasn’t been divorced. Second, we spent the first 17 years of our marriage in student ministry. That means that while everyone else was on vacation or break, we weren’t. Summers and Winters are prime camp and retreat times.
Our first 17 anniversaries were spent with students at conferences or camps. To Amy’s credit – she never complained about that. So I absolutely wanted this 20-year marker be something very special. Since we honeymooned at Disney World, what better place to celebrate the anniversary?
We stayed at the Port Orleans: French Quarter Resort on the Disney property. I also got us reservations for dinner at the California Grill on top of the Contemporary Hotel – so I thought. You can see Magic Kingdom from there and the plan was to eat dessert, see the fireworks, have the romantic music playing…you get the picture.
As I’m getting ready to leave for Florida, I realize that I never got a confirmation email from Disney about the dinner reservation. I call and it’s not there. They don’t have any record of it at all. We’ve got the room at Port Orleans, just no dinner at the California Grill.
The lady was very nice – gave me a couple of other locations to see the fireworks – but I was pretty upset at myself.
We get off the plane in Orlando and I have a voicemail. It’s Guest Services at Disney. The lady that was helping me was calling me back but we missed each other. Her voicemail said she’d be out of the office until next week sometime.
Next day we get to Port Orleans and it is gorgeous. We got a touch of Mickey in the room and it felt like we were in New Orleans. The streets, the look and the beignets! Oh yeah.
I finally get dinner reservations at another restaurant. It wasn’t California Grill but it was still nice and we could head over to the Polynesian for the fireworks afterward. That’s when the craziness started. I get a phone call from Jennifer at the California Grill. She saw it was our anniversary and while she didn’t have a 9pm spot, she had an 8pm, would I be interested. I said – yes but it’s already 5ish now and we’ve got reservations that I’m not sure I can get out of this late. I really appreciate the effort and the thought. So I hang up.
My phone rings 10 minutes later. It’s Jennifer from the California Grill again. “Mr. English, this is your 20 year anniversary, right? I mean, you really need to have this dinner at the California Grill. So I’ve taken care of those other reservations for you. We are covering the fee for them. See you at 8, okay?”
Needless to say, I was floored. What kind of incredible service is that?
So what do you do to kill time at Disney before 8pm dinner reservations? You check out the other hotels on the monorail. Here are some pics…
We check in on the 2nd floor of the Contemporary Hotel for the California Grill. At check in, we’re told that they are running about 15 to 20 minutes behind on their reservations but to go on upstairs and enjoy the view and the lounge. We are escorted on the express elevator to the 15th floor. At the main reception desk upstairs, I notice the manager, his name is Gary. I asked him about Jennifer, she got off earlier in the night but I made sure he knew about what she did for us. He smiled and said — oh, that’s not all she arranged for you.
Instead of being 15 minutes behind, right at 8pm we were taken to our table. Not just any table but a small table for two located in a cozy corner with an incredible view of Cinderella’s Castle and all of Magic Kingdom. Our table was sprinkled with Mickey Confetti as well.
Bill would be our waiter for the evening. By the way – every staff that we ran into wished us a Happy Anniversary. Very nice touch. The view and the service were outstanding, the food was even better. Bill walked us through the menu. We did a Sushi starter platter. I ordered the Beef Filet, Amy took on the Pork Tenderloin.
I wouldn’t order the sushi platter again. The shrimp, tuna, and salmon were outstanding. So was the white nut shrimp roll. There was another fish on it that was good but the other rolls and mackerel were not to our liking. But it sure did look pretty.
The entrees were the best. The steak was probably the best I’ve ever eaten. All of the food was incredible.
We were really taking our time with the meal. We thought if we were slow enough, we could be finishing up dessert right as the fireworks started. The waiter had already cleared a couple of other tables in his section. We really shouldn’t have worried about it.
As he cleared our plates, he said ‘Alright guys, want you to take a little break. I’ll be back here in about 10 minutes with dessert menus that way you guys will be eating dessert while watching the fireworks! And only order one dessert. I’ve got something special for you.”
Here’s what he ended up bringing us along with free glasses of champagne to celebrate our anniversary. That is peppermint ice cream with a chocolate cake with a hot fudge cream middle. Bill also brought us a piece of chocolate mousse cake. Complete with the “Happy Anniversary” chocolate placards.
And the fireworks were incredible with the soundtrack from Magic Kingdom being piped into the restaurant. Overall, the BEST anniversary ever. What a great experience and I’m blown away by how the Disney staff just took care of us and once again used a little magic to make it happen!
Here are some more pics!
Cold, Ran, Broke, Fixed, Not Quite Fixed
It was 27 degrees today and windy.
Got on elliptical to work out. Amy headed outside to walk. It had climbed to a balmy 36 by the time she was outside.
I get about 10 minutes into my workout and Amy calls -”It’s not that bad. You can do this.”
She was probably right…but I was already in the zone and didn’t really want to stop, gear up and catch up.
10 minutes later, the elliptical goes into this wobbly mass of chaos. I try to push through it but it’s just getting worse. This machine was a hand-me-down and my dad has fixed multiple times. If it was a horse, we’d already would have put it down.
I climb off, grab some tools and start taking it apart with hopes of fixing it. After 25 minutes, it’s fixed. I test it out, it’s still a little loose. Not perfect but by now I’ve run out of time.
Probably will brave the cold in the AM. I just don’t like the wind. It feels like a million needles going straight through me. BUT…I’ve dropped over 30 pounds this summer and fall and I’ve got to keep it off. MAINTAIN until the spring then another big push.
Fishing With Dad
Dad and Mary came into town and so I took Dad fishing. He wasn’t all that thrilled about it at first. But….after we caught 30 fish (all released back so we can catch them again someday), he was a happy a camper.
Here are some pics….
Is Divorce Ever Okay? Part 1
This originally appeared on www.whillschurch.org as a weekly devo.
This is part 1 of a 2-part devo.
Our Art of Marriage series has been absolutely incredible. We are hearing some incredible stories as a result of it but any series on marriage is going to bring up one question:
Is divorce ever okay?
Very rarely is this question asked for theory’s sake. There is normally a very personal, very painful reason for the question. There is no easy button with this question but any answer must start with Jesus’ dialog with the Pharisees in Matthew 19:1-12 on the same exact subject.
It’s not very encouraging to realize that religious leaders have wrestled with this question for centuries. In Jesus’ day, there were two common position that the Jews held concerning divorce. The first one believed it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any offense – disagreement, disrespect, disobedience, burnt the toast. The other position believe that only for the reason of sexual immorality was it allowed. The Pharisees came to Jesus to get his position on the matter.
If you are asking about divorce, you’ve missed the point of marriage.
Jesus takes them back to Genesis 2:24. God’s intention from the beginning was that a man leave his mother and father, be united to his wife, and the two become one flesh. Forever. What God has put together, let no man tear apart. Ideally – even in the instance of sexual immorality – marriage is one man + one woman for life. The story of Hosea makes this crystal clear. God designed marriage to reflect His character and His character is to seek and love us even while we were still sinners.
The Concession of Divorce
This was obviously NOT the answer any of them expected. Even the disciples were a bit shocked by the answer (we’ll get to them in a minute). The Pharisees counter with the story of Moses issuing divorce certificates in Deuteronomy 24. The Pharisees claim that this story shows that God allows divorce and the real issue is figuring out the parameters of what is a ‘lawful’.
Jesus corrects their memory. He reminds them that divorce was already happening and the certificates were issued as a concession to protect the woman from the hard-hearts of the man. Women were being abandoned with no legitimate way to provide or protect themselves. With no proof of divorce, remarriage was dangerous and could get her accused of adultery and killed. The certificate of divorce allowed the women to remarry without fear of punishment from the ex-husband. Concessions like this in Jewish law were common and they sought to protect victims from further abuse or harm, to mitigate the damage of a sin. Laws concerning the treatment of slaves or accidental deaths are other examples of this.
The concession on issuing the certificate of divorce didn’t justify divorce as option anymore than the slavery laws justified slavery. It was allowed and provided for the protection of the woman.
Then Jesus dropped these words – “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
There are two ways to understand Jesus’ words here. The most common understanding is that the only legitimate reason for divorce is adultery. While I think this is acceptable, I’m not convinced this is exactly what Jesus meant nor am I convinced this is how those around Jesus understood it.
I think Jesus was reframing the morality of marriage – much like he did in the Sermon on the Mount. I think Jesus was saying – remove the clause – if anyone divorces and remarries, he has also committed adultery. The clause just says the obvious – a marriage that has experienced adultery is already shattered and already experienced adultery.
I think everyone left there, including the disciples, just completely dumbfounded at what they had heard. Neither side was “right” in their understanding of marriage or divorce. Marriage was lifted to a whole other stratosphere with this teaching.
There is even a hint of despair in the disciples response to Jesus’ words:
“If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
Jesus response of “Not everyone can accept these words but those who have ears to hear, let them hear” seems to support this same understanding – DIVORCE is never on God’s agenda.
So does this mean there are NO concessions today? If a woman or man is in an abusive, or adulterous relationship they are just stuck there forever?
Next week, we will look at some more scriptures to round out our answer to this question.
My Labor Day Weekend
Friday Night – Wedding at Lake Shawnee. Really enjoy this couple. Looking forward to getting to know them better. I prefer Friday night weddings over Saturday afternoon.
Saturday
11 AM – funeral for Robin Sadler. Western Hills was packed. We got a little late start on the funeral to make sure everyone was situated and ready. I don’t think anyone minded at all. Funerals are never fun but this one was good. Good in that – we miss Robin but her life and testimony give such hope and joy. Lots of tears and laughter.
1 PM – get home from funeral to head out to Lake Wabaunsee. We were invited by some friends to spend the weekend but obviously couldn’t. Instead, we came out for Saturday afternoon. Rain came rolling in at the same time we were getting ready to leave. We were tempted to just stay home. I was tired, drained from the funeral/wedding but…we decided to go anyway.
So glad we did. I caught one fish in the middle of the day. Not bad at all considering the conditions. The company and food were outstanding. We looked up and it was already 8 pm. Time flies. Headed home for church.
Sunday
9 & 10.30 AM
It’s Labor Day weekend and I’m learning in Kansas that means days at the lake. Plus our weather this weekend was absolutely gorgeous. I know other pastors will never admit this but it’s true – I was preparing for a ‘low’ Sunday. I get it. I understand. I don’t harbor ill-well to those families who take off on a long weekend to spend with their family. It’s just a reality that the church has to deal with.
We were pretty packed on Sunday morning. Never would have guess it was a holiday weekend.
We had a great service as well – dealing with the issue of eternity, heaven and hell. Here are the two big nuggets I hope people walked away with…
I was sold “Heaven” as a kid like a time-share condo. If they had told me that the only way to get to heaven was to do cartwheels with animal crackers in my mouth, I’d have done that. I wanted no part of Hell.
Truth is there is no heaven without Jesus. Where ever Jesus is, Heaven is. The real question of eternity isn’t about heaven and/or hell. It’s about Jesus. Do you love and want to be with Jesus?
1 pm
We leave church and head to Kansas City to drop kids off at Nana’s and Poppy’s house. They will celebrate Cayden’s birthday yet so more. (It felt like birthday week, not birthday day this year…) Amy and I grab a room on the Plaza.
We get a 3 mile walk in before dinner and rent a couple of movies at redbox.
Monday
We get another over 3 mile walk in, then coffee at Starbucks. A visit to the Apple Store then some BBQ for lunch. We wanted Oklahoma Joe’s but they were closed for Labor Day. Rosedale BBQ instead. It was a mixed bag. The sausage and corn fritters were the best ever. The pork and fries were average/below average.
5pm
Head over to some friends house in Topeka for grilling.
8pm
Home and kids in bed but allergies decided to kick me in the face pretty good. I spend the next hour just sneezing and basically miserable.
Ready for the week? Ready or not…
Through a Dad’s Eyes
There is a part of me that is always going to see Camber this way. I’m guessing that my perspective isn’t all that different from other dads. We had an experience on vacation this summer that further exposed my sentimental heart.
There was a boy that bullied Camber in the kids program on board our cruise. He ripped a project Camber was working on away from her and tied it around her head. She wasn’t physically hurt but she left the program immediately to find us. She was holding it all in and together until she saw us.
There are no words to describe what began to burn inside me. I was beyond angry. Obviously, I was going to have a conversation with the adult staff (after I calmed down a bit) but in that moment all I wanted to do was find that kid and throw him in the ocean.
After dinner, we sat down in the theater waiting on the show. Cayden informs me – “There he is, dad. That’s him.” He walks right past us and sits three rows up and to the right. Camber is visibly rattled.
I leaned over to Camber – “Is that the boy?”
“Yes, Dad… but please don’t say anything.”
“What’s his name?”
“His name is Luke but Dad…”
I love my daughters very much but I’m not really going to take advice from them on this subject. Amy was trying to talk me out of confronting him. Mainly because she didn’t really want to see that boy drown.
I walked up to him and his family.
“Is your name Luke?”
He was playing the cool kid card. “Yeah.”
“Well, Luke, is your dad around?”
“What?”
I spoke slower this time. “Is your dad on this boat?”
The cool kid was beginning to crack. He shook his head no. The older woman sitting next to him spoke up. “These are my grandsons.” She said it so proudly, so happy.
I just looked at her.
“Luke. I’d like for you to turn around and look over there at my daughter.”
He doesn’t.
“No, seriously. Look at her.”
He turns.
“My daughter says that you took her pillowcase, tied it around her head, cussed her out and bullied her. Is this true?”
Luke was shaking his head no and looking at his grandmother way before I finished the sentenced. Not only was he a bully…he didn’t even know how to lie. He was lying. I knew he was lying. He knew that I knew he was lying. His cousin/brother/buddy next him knew he was lying. His grandmother knew.
I just looked at him. No smile. No words.
“So you didn’t touch my daughter?”
He was no longer trying to be cool. He was scared. He kept shaking his head no. He had a death grip on the seat.
I wasn’t yelling. In fact, it was eerie how calm and collected I sounded. I wanted to make sure he heard every word I was about to say so I leaned a bit and almost whispered to him.
“Luke, if you are telling the truth, you have nothing to worry about. You just enjoy the rest of your cruise. If you are lying to me…”
I paused.
“If you touch my daughter again, the next conversation we have will not be this pleasant. Do we have an understanding?”
And I waited for his answer. I waited till he looked me in the face and said yes.
I sat right behind Camber and I whispered in her ear. “Sit up. Look right at him if he looks at you. Hold your head up. You are not a victim. You are precious.”
She whispered back…”Dad — what if he does it again?”
“Cammy, I don’t think he will bother you again but if he does…”
“I want you to beat the crap out of him.”
She started laughing and we didn’t have any more issues with Luke.
What’s my point?
In the moment, all I was thinking about was there was no way any person was ever going to treat my girls that way. Ever. I didn’t care what it cost me to confront that kid. I probably did embarrass her. It was awkward and uncomfortable to be sure. But none of that mattered in the grand scale of things. There was a larger issue at stake and I had to deal with it because I’m the Dad.
Even though I wasn’t thinking about it in the moment, there are some spiritual parallels here.
The biggest bully in the universe is sin and death is its unbeatable weapon. The Father becomes the Son to confront this bully and defeat its ‘unbeatable weapon.’
Jesus on the cross, Jesus the person, Jesus as Son of God may embarrass us, He may put us in awkward and uncomfortable moments, we may not like the way he dresses or speaks or even the things he says but none of that changes the fact that He deals with the biggest issues in our life and provides the opportunity for healing and redemption. Whether we embrace that, laugh with him, walk with him or not is on us.
And here’s the kicker – the WHY of it all. I think sometimes we hear the story of Jesus and a part of us thinks – “Well, He’s God. He sort of had to do it.” No, he didn’t. He did it because he’s crazy about us. He loves us.
The last thing I was thinking about as I was talking to that kid was “I’m the dad and I guess I need to do this because it will be a good example.” I was mad as…well…you know, I was mad because someone that I love more than myself had been wounded. And I was going to fix it as best as I could.
That’s what the Cross is. That’s us through the Dad’s eyes.
Going To Give The Blog A Rest
No writing for the next week on the blog. I’ll keep my journal and maybe next week I’ll throw up some pics and an update…but for now…just a week to rest, to reconnect with my family.
See you later.
Update on Cammy’s Party Mix CD and Kids Camp
I talked here about the importance of a good CD of music before any child or student heads off to camp. At least according to Camber. And I noted the one single flaw in Camber’s plan – what if the car she was traveling in didn’t have a CD player. I did NOT tell Camber about this flaw. Amy filled me in on the rest of the story last night.
As Camber climbed into one of the sponsor’s car, she asked her – “Do you have a CD player?” I am very proud of this as I did NOT tell her about the single flaw but alas she figured it out for herself. Like I said — I am very proud.
“We have a CD changer…and I don’t know how to work it.”
Cammy: “I can figure it out.”
We haven’t heard if she destroyed the CD changer in the car or not but I’m guessing it is all well. And praying for her and the rest of the crew for a great encounter with God this week.
My kids and my sermons don’t always turn out like I plan
And that is a good thing.
Yesterday at lunch the topic was my sermon. This is not normal for us. I want to talk about anything other than my sermon but today was different because Cayden got so tickled yesterday in the middle of my message, she thought she was going to have to leave.
Actual excerpt of conversation:
Cayden: “Daddy – you are really funny. I mean – how do you think of that stuff right off the top of your head?”
Amy: “He doesn’t. He studies and preps all week.”
Cayden: “Really?”
Grant: “Well…yes. But I can be funny right off the top of my head too.”
Camber: “True, but they are usually insults…followed by beatings.”
Grant & Amy: “??????”
Cooper, Cayden, and Camber now all bust out into laughter. Turns out they are quoting something they heard on iCarly. Camber has been waiting forever for the perfect place to use that quote and she found it.
This starts a nonstop tirade of iCarly quotes which leads to an insightful critique of last nights iCarly/Victorious combined episode. Of which, Cooper thought it could have been better and considered it mostly a waste of time. Cayden thought it was awesomest show ever. Camber thought it was a complete waste of time. She hated the commercials and she had some other issues with the show which I really can’t recall at the moment.
Camber and I talk about how to burn a playlist on a CD in iTunes for the drive to kids camp this week. This is really important to her because she doesn’t want to get stuck in a car with bad music. That would be a horrible way to start kids camp. Having some dorky song stuck in your head as you leave for a whole week of kids camp. Need to get a cool Christian rocking song stuck in your head for kids camp and the only way to make sure that happens is to make the CD yourself and play it on the way to camp.
I like her logic. It makes complete sense. There is only one problem with this plan…and I do NOT tell her this. What if she gets in a car that doesn’t have a CD player? I’m guessing this thought never crosses her mind because she’s never known a car without a CD player which is ridiculous if you think about it. I remember cars only having AM radio. I think she would die if she knew this.
Totally Distracted In A Good Kind of Way
Last Sunday morning, Cayden walked into the 1st service about halfway through it. She walked right up to the left of the room, sat down. I was just starting my message in our “unplugged” early service.
I was so distracted…in a good way.
When did she get so big?
When did she get so beautiful?
Where did she get this hunger for God’s word?
Why in the world does she want to listen to me?
How long will this last?
Why is my family 30 minutes late this morning??
And I just watched her. And smiled.
“Hi sweetie.”
“Hi, Dad.”
And then I went on with the message that morning.
I got a pretty encouraging email this week about that moment.
“Your little daughter was so cute coming into the early service and sitting there. What a doll! Sometimes when my little girl comes into the room I lose all track of what I’m doing too. What a blessing!”
What a blessing, indeed. There is a story that Abraham Lincoln’s children were the only people who could interrupt him in a meeting. Apparently, many of a Civil War battle plan was interrupted by his son. That he made Generals wait on his kids, not the other way around.
It’s a great story – not sure if it is true or not. But I love the principle of the matter.
I’m 6lbs Lighter
I got in a text battle with a dear friend of mine yesterday. The Stallion, Wayne Galli – who is literally half the man I am I’m serious, he’s half of me in height and weight. The Stallion was giving me grief about calling Orange Leaf ice cream when it really isn’t ice cream. It’s yogurt or fro yo as the say in the “business.”
I will quote from the text:
WG: Orange leaf is not ice cream.
GE: Don’t be bitter.
WG: No bitterness, just pity.
GE: I’m 6 lbs lighter because of orange leaf….sort of.
WG: LOL
Wayne said something else to me which I’m not comfortable putting on the blog. I didn’t say it was dirty, just that I’m not comfortable talking about it. Which is really just a code way of throwing him under the bus.
But both of us lied to each other.
First, I doubt seriously he laughed out loud at my orange leaf comment. Maybe chuckled or thought amusing, but laugh out loud? Really? Do I really think he laughed out loud?
And I really haven’t lost weight because of Orange Leaf. I’ve lost weight because Amy has started dragging me up and down hills 3 times a week, 3 miles at a time. We are in our 2nd or 3rd week doing this. I’m not really sure. Time flies when you are having fun… or being tortured.
So while I am still twice the man of Wayne Galli, I am hoping to be less than that as the summer continues. I’m shooting for 1 and a third of a man.
Difference Between Driving Coop To School Vs. The Girls
One of the highlights of my day is 7.15 to 7.30 am. Why? It’s 15 minutes of guy time with Coop. It starts with Mike and Mike in the Morning on ESPN radio. Cooper tells me the latest sports stuff – update on the never-ending NBA playoffs, the Rockies, etc. We laugh and talk about sport issues which are really leadership issues.
This morning’s topic – Jorge Pasada, Derek Jeter, and the batting 9th Issue. Here’s a quick recap. Pasada – longtime Yankee catcher – has hit the wall in his career, batting .165 and no longer catching. Manager tells him he is now batting 9th in the lineup which Pasada takes as an insult, asks to be out of the lineup for the day. Meanwhile, his wife tweets that the reason he isn’t in the lineup is because he’s injured. The GM holds a press conference in the middle of the game to say that he isn’t hurt but quit on the team. Press asks Jeter for his opinion, Jeter says “If I thought something was wrong, I’d tell Pasada myself.” Management gets mad at Jeter for saying that. Next day – Pasada apologizes, asks for a do-over and wished he could have that day back.
Now — let me make two very important observations at this point before I finish out the story…
Point 1: If you are a girl (or can’t stand sports), chances are you’ve already quit reading. Or you think Coop and I have the most boring drives and conversations in history of mankind. Or maybe you are asking yourself – why don’t you spend that time talking about God, singing praise songs, or praying for lost Hindus?
My date nights with Cayden and Camber are very, very, different. I come home from those nights exhausted. Why? Because it’s astonishing how many words those girls can fit inside a trip for ice cream. It’s constant and it’s all over the place from friends at school to dancing to gymnastics to whatever drama is going on at school to how the grandparents are doing. I get about 40% of what is said and understand less than that.
All this may be fascinating or boring but none of that really matters. What really matters is point #2.
Point 2: The central point of these times I have with Cooper (and the girls) is that it’s THEIR time, not mine. I don’t always get this right. There are times when I’m tired and distracted and miss it but I’m trying to get it right more than not. And I’m starting to remind myself in the 3 seconds it takes for me to unlock the car – this is about them, not me.
The conversations are about what THEY want to talk about. Not me. I want to converse or in the case with the girls – be overwhelmed with an insane amount of words. The moment is about being in the moment, not somewhere else. Not in my phone or getting prepped for the next meeting, or figuring out my day. It’s about BEING in the moment, wholly in the moment.
I don’t always get it right. But I’m learning. And thankfully I have great kids who are patient with their father.
Back to the Yankee Drama:
Pasada apologized and that really should be the end of the story. Nobody is ever going to get it right all the time. Frustration gets the better of it at times – that’s okay as long as you’re willing to take the licks that come with it and own it. Pasada did that. Time to move on.
Management needs to relax about Jeter’s comments and instead read them from a different angle. Another way to look at what Jeter said is this – “If I had a problem with Pasada’s actions – the last place on the earth I’m going to talk about it is in the press. I’ll talk to him about it – not the press, not his wife, not the management, not anyone else.” Which is exactly the right thing to do and say.
Empowering Your Kid Means Some Scraped Knees…or worse
The hardest bit of parenting – seeing the train wreck coming and discerning if this is the one you should step in and just let it roll.
I’m not talking about the physical wrecks. We’ve got a few of those stories in the English Family Storybook. Cooper at Keystone getting clobbered by a snowboarder (don’t ever let me find out who he was), Camber playing soccer, Cayden breaking…a nail. (I know…she’s the princess.)
Scraped knees, deep bruises, getting electrocuted helping dad change out an outlet – all of these will heal and provide stories of lessons learned and laughter. (Lesson 1: make sure you have right breaker turned off.)
I’m talking about the relational/emotional wrecks. Stuff like knowing that a certain friend isn’t a wise choice. He’s not going to be a stand-up guy, she’s so vain and selfish. Every word out of his mouth has a touch of anger. She is more concerned about the name on your clothes than the person in them.
And I don’t want my kids hurt. I don’t want them to feel the sting of betrayal or the pain of rejection. Here are my choices in these situations:
1. Ignore it.
Hope they figure it out, hope they make a good decision but man, I’m busy. I don’t know what to say. They won’t listen anyway. They won’t understand what I’m saying. You know (and probably have used) the excuses we make to justify keeping our mouths shut.
2. Try to control the circumstance.
I personally like this option. I’m not saying it’s the wisest or the best, just saying I like it because it gives me the false sensation that I’m in control. You can’t go. You won’t talk to them again. Defriend them on Facebook. Forbid them for talking, seeing, thinking about them or the situation.
This works real well until they are….9. Then I think it just sows seeds of rebellion. I’m not saying that I should ever use it. I do. There are times when I see a physical danger that the kid can’t see….and won’t see. So I take the hit as a parent. “No, you can not go to the mall alone, by yourself, without me even though every other parent in the world allows their kid to do this.” (Which they don’t but that is another post.) “No, you can’t spend the night with someone I don’t know or their parents aren’t home.” You get the drift.
3. Equip the kid, then let ‘em ride. And then pray like crazy.
I remember the first time I watched Camber attack a black ski run. It was this wonderful mixture of complete fear and totally excitement. My dad was with me and he was screaming at me – “Are you going to let your daughter ski this?? This is irresponsible!!” (Never mind that the real reason he was saying this was because he couldn’t ski it.)
The point is — we’d train for this day all season long. Ski schools. Helmet. How to get on the lift by yourself, how to get off. Etiquette in the lift line. Learning how to fall. Learning how to get up. Learning the limits of control and speed. Practicing on progressively harder runs. Allowing her to test the limits of her skill on easier runs. Skiing with her, holding her between my skis when she got stuck. We’d been practicing for a while. I’d done all I could do except ski it for her.
It was time. It was never going to get any easier.
I’d equipped her the best I could. She had the skills. Would she apply them? Would fear take over? I was never going to know the answer to that question until I gave her that smirk and nod she’d been waiting for all season long. “Dad, can I ski this black yet?”
“Yeah…you can. I’m right behind you.”
And she took off.
Who knew that I was learning how to parent just as much as she was learning how to ski.
Equip them. Teach them how precious and valuable they are. Walk through what you see but leave the final decision in their hands. Get them the best equipment and training you can get. Let them practice and let them learn how to pick themselves up. Let the positives keep flowing from your mouth to their ears.
Then ski BEHIND them.
Let them make their own decisions on how to attack the mountain. Let them choose their own lines, their own turns, their own pace. Be there when they fall but don’t rescue them immediately. It’s the only way they will ever learn to be expert skiers.
If only it was as easy to parent as it was to teach our kids how to ski.
Daddy Date #43…I think
My girls and I started this tradition last spring, every Wednesday night as Cooper and Amy head to youth, we go on a mini-date. Ice Cream at McDonalds mostly but we’ll stretch out to other venues when we need to. Like last night, Baskin-Robbins had the 31 cent a scoop night.
Last night was particularly had night between me and Camber. The problem is that Camber is growing up…and I don’t like it. She’s getting to that age that she is asking for more permission to do more things without her parents and we are not allowing her. We’re mean like that – demanding to know where she is, who she is with, how long will she’ll be there and THEN we still call the parents to make sure all that info is right. And even after all of that – we still reserve the right to say no.
I’m definitely the “no” parent when it comes to the girls. Amy is constantly telling me to be open, to be softer with my no, to listen before I say no. To practice saying yes. I keep telling Amy – you don’t understand. You’ve never been a boy. I have. I know what I’m doing.
At any rate, last night was one of those nights where I said “no” and then we all had to adjust some plans and make phone calls and talk to parents until finally the “no” turned to “yes.” There were some tears and some arguing along the way. Good thing ice cream heals most wounds.
After ice cream, I asked both my girls if they were frustrated with me.
“Sometimes.”
“Like tonight?”
“Yes.”
“I guess I need to explain to you how precious you two are to me. How you two are the second most important people in my life behind your mom. And I just want you to have a great life with no bad stuff and not getting harmed or hurt.”
“Really?”
“Yes. And that’s why I’m overprotective…or just normally protective…and why I’ll probably always be that way. Just be patient with me and give me the benefit of the doubt.”
“Dad…I know you say no at times to protect us. It’s just hard to hear no…all the time.”
I wanted to argue with them that I don’t say no all the time. Only the times that I’m not going to be there…or it involves boys…or mean girls…which I think was exactly the point.
At any rate…this just in – parenting is hard.
Parenting Confessions
It’s hard to believe that Amy and I are the parents of a teen, a tween, and a princess – age 8. And overall we haven’t had any major battles to fight with our kids. Some of that is by choice. We don’t get worked up about Cooper growing his hair out to biblical proportions or his insistence of wearing shorts, a sports jersey, and Vans everywhere he goes. We don’t let Camber’s desire to play football with the boys worry us. The cartwheels and jumproping in the house doesn’t rile us…doesn’t rile Amy.
We survived the toddler years. Got them into the school years and have absolutely loved these last few years with them. It has been an absolute blast and I’d never guess how much fun parenting COULD be. But it feels like it is changing.
Cooper hitting 8th grade, Camber becoming more like a young woman, less like a girl. Cayden starting to have her own opinions now. And it just seems like we finally get one phase of parenting down, the rules change on us. Hormones kick in, technology changes, friends get different.
Just rambling — not really any insight or conclusions…just trying to figure it out as we go.
From KC to Budapest
I will post the emails that I’m sending home to the kids just to keep the rest of you informed…
Hey kiddos!
I’m going to try to upload some youtube videos later. I will send you the link.
In DC we ate at 5 guys. So good. Cajun fries were awesome. And nobody complained! ha hah. We also rode these super tall RV’s built like hummers from one terminal to another. I put a picture of it up on my twitter.
They had a guy checking passports before boarding in DC and he pulled me and mom over and said — “Why are you wearing that shirt?” I said — “Roll Tide…” He said he played for Bear Bryant back in the day. Fun moment. Totally could have been the ESPN commercial. If Coop had been with us wearing Auburn, I’m sure we would have been arrested.
The plane ride was a bit cramped but I did get to watch almost all of the Lord of the Rings movies on my phone. Finished up Return of the King this afternoon while mom took a nap. Anyway, plane food was actually very good. Lufthansa knows their food and free wine with the meal. How cool is that?
Frankfurt’s airport was cool. It’s gotta a mall in the middle of it. We really didn’t have time to shop or explore, just walk through it. But Lufthansa had this free coffee machine in the gate area and mom and I had like 3 or 4 cafe mochas. It was awesome.
Oh…I also got patted down in KC AND in Franfurt. I guess I look like I’m a threat…which I am. Don’t ever forget it.
I got to use my high school German to help some lady figure out which button was hot water. Heissen Wasser — just in case you were wondering.
Budapest is cold and gray. Hoping the sun comes out this weekend so we can get some good pictures.
Tonight we eat dinner the couple that is running the chapel services at the school. Found out I will speak every day at 11 and 2.30. That’s 4 in the morning and 7 in the morning Topeka time..if you are awake.
Love you, Dad
A Man’s Guide For Christmas
Let’s face it, men. The holiday season is tough. We’re supposed to be happier about spending more money on stuff we don’t need for people we are not sure we even like. The Christmas lights are always tangled. It’s always -34 degrees when you finally decide to put the lights up. Add to that the Christmas parties, concerts, recitals, and all the Christmas cards you get in the mail from people your wife says you know but you honestly have never seen them.
I know how you feel. I’m here to help. I’m even going to make this easy for you. So pay attention.
Presents
Let’s start with presents. Gifts. Loot. We don’t buy for just anybody. However, if you find yourself in a position to HAVING to get a gift for someone other than family – here are a couple of suggestions that you can’t go wrong with.
1. Gift Cards – Amazon.com, iTunes, Starbucks.
2. iPad – this is not for you to buy one for your friends but mainly for your rich friends so that they will buy one for you.
For the wife:
No appliances of any kind. Do not under any circumstance buy her anything from Victoria or her secret. Jewelry is safe (but expensive). A night out without kids is relatively inexpensive and shows much forethought and care.
Depending on how long you’ve been married, you can try to do the whole — “I bought this for you but really for me” kind of gift. Stuff like a BluRay player, flatscreen TV, iPad or pretty much anything electronic but they see through this pretty quick. Fortunately for us, they love us anyway. You can get away with this a couple of times so choose wisely when to do this. It can’t be your go-to gift every year.
Kids:
Girl — anything pink and/or a doll/figurine of some sort. This seems to work for every age except the ages of 16-21. Researchers are still baffled as to what works during these ages.
Boys — sports, electronics, jerseys, tickets to sporting events…basically, if you like it, he will. Regardless of age.
Christmas Parties
It’s a fact of life…you are going to have to attend a couple this year. So make the most of it.
First,know exactly where the host puts your coat. Do NOT miss this information. Nothing will drag out your escape longer than having to track down your coat. Do NOT do anything else at the party until you lock down where your coat will be stashed.
Second, head for the food. All the good snacks get sucked up first and you don’t want to miss out on them. Plus there will be other guys that don’t really want to be there and you might find a new friend.
Third, wear a team sweater or golf shirt so that you’ll have something to talk about other than work. And don’t be that guy that shows up to a party and then talks about work for 45 minutes. If you find that guy, find a bathroom. It’s about the only place he won’t follow you into. Then come out and scream in a Jim Carrey voice – “Do NOT go in there.” That will pretty much end the party night for you.
Family Time
We all want more of it until we get it then we wish we had less of it. Couple of activities that will make this not only bearable but enjoyable.
Light Hunting. With a little internet search and investigation, you can find the cool houses with lights and music in your area. Put the kids in PJ’s and a thermos of hot chocolate and go light looking. This is good for about an hour.
Movies
We have two movies we always watch – Elf and White Christmas. Kids can barely make it through White Christmas but we make them. Elf is awesome. Awkward/Embarrassing Christmas Moment: A couple of years ago I grabbed all the kids and watched A Christmas Story as a family. 1. The TV version is edited, the DVD is not. 2. After the shock of a few words that I had forgotten, came to the painful realization that kids don’t like voiceover movies. A Christmas Story is not an English family tradition.
We also do a Christmas “real” movie together. With a family of 5, we don’t go to the theater often. Scratch that – we make it once, maybe twice a year. Much cheaper for us to wait till BluRay or DVD and watch it at home. But this has become a cool tradition for us – take an afternoon matinee movie the whole family can enjoy.
This year it looks like we will divide and conquer – Tron Legacy for everyone except Cayden. Cayden will have a special Nana and Cayden date with Tangled. It works out for us all.
Christmas Eve Service
We will be having ours at 6pm at Western Hills. It will be awesome, funny, kid-friendly. Not all services are this way. Some are very serious. However, fun or serious — you have to do this. Even a bad Christmas Eve service is better than no Christmas Eve service.
Awkward/Embarrassing Christmas Moment: Cooper dumped a whole tray of communion juice at a certain Christmas Eve Service. He was 4 or 5. It was awful in the moment but awesome now looking back at it. There isn’t enough money in the world to buy that kind of memory. So find a service, show up and really enjoy it.
Family Meals
They take forever to set up and prepare then 20 minutes to be done with. This is the best advice I can give you on this one — just enjoy the process and make sure somebody brought a pie. Enjoy a glass of wine or sparkling grape soda as you prep. We make the kids clean up while we enjoy conversation and dessert.
I hope this guide helps you over the next week. I welcome any comments, corrections, and additions below.
Weather Is Here…
Wish you were beautiful.
I’m on vacation — hence the lack of twitter and posts. And where we are staying doesn’t get great cell reception. Which means when we run out to grab a bite to eat – I get a thousand text messages all at the same time.
So I’ll respond to them all right now.
Alabama vs. Auburn texts:
Yes, we’ll keep the road in front of the church named Auburn Road one more.
Roll Over Tide is appropriate for the second half collapse.
No, I was not rubbing it in on Cooper during the first half because of last year’s game.
Cooper handled himself with class and dignity after the win.
Oregon looks sick. And I only like half of their 27 uniforms.
Being on TV during the Aggie basketball game.
I’m twice as scary looking in real life.
I love college basketball and any chance I get to see D-1 teams play, I take it.
Wide World of Sports is a cool place but it’s smaller than you think.
Cooper won 2 tickets to the Harlem Globetrotters during a TV timeout. He hit the rim on 2 half-court shots. They gave him an extra shot because he got so close in his other attempts. The adult that he was shooting against shot 3 straight airballs. He (the adult) was pretty cocky before the contest. Cooper didn’t say a word to him. He didn’t say a word afterword. It was hilarious.
Love the weather — sort of. It’s 80 degrees and I didn’t bring a cool pair of shorts. It’s odd seeing Christmas lights and Christmas trees and sweating. But I’ll take it. I hear Kansas is freezing.
I’m actually going to miss Sunday as Brandon is teaching and I always learn something when that guy teaches. I’ll wait until it’s uploaded on our website.
All for now.
6 Years of Blogging…Now What?
When I started doing this, I had little to no clue what I was doing and even less to say. Yet, 6 years later I’m still writing, still changing the look of the site when I get bored with it, and still playing Halo. Some random bits of information to forget once you’re done reading this…
1. The average life span for a blog is around 8 months. I just made that statistic up but it sounds true, doesn’t it? I’m not even sure if it’s a researchable stat or not. I’m just saying that to keep a blog moving along for 6 years is pretty cool.
2. I’ve got to watch Alabama win 4 national championships in my lifetime (1978, 1979, 1992, 2009). Only one of them while this blog has been in existence. Auburn still has none. I must write this now because come January of 2011 that might not be true.
3. The Broncos have morphed from one of the most respected, winning organizations to the joke that it is now.
4. I’m more in awe of God now than ever. This is obviously better than the alternative of being more jaded. His grace still astounds me in its scope and power. He continues to allow me to see lives changed. And I’m humbled by this.
5. I’ve written 1,983 posts. There have been 6,183 comments. Most of them insightful. Oh, who am I kidding. Most of them have been funny and witty. A handful have been insightful and most them weren’t by me.
6. I’ve been spammed 212,243 times.
The word on the street may be that blogging is so early 2000 but I think I’ll keep at it. It helps me process. It keeps me focused. And I’ve met so many of you through this and am a better man because of you.
Thanks for inviting me in on your life the past 6 years. The best is yet to come.
Dancing In Best Buy
Last night Cayden and I had a date…of sorts. I asked her what she wanted to do and she said…
“Go to Best Buy.”
YES!!! I am such an awesome father.
“I want to play on the new kinect toy on Xbox, then I want to dance on the Wii…then what about some ice cream at McD’s?”
“And I guess we’ll eat dinner after we have ice cream?”
“That’s a great idea, Dad!?”
And that’s what we did last night. Cayden boxed, then volleyballed, then busted a move to Rihanna’s SOS. I so enjoyed myself watching her have a blast in the middle of Best Buy. She didn’t care who was around or watching. She’s not quite old enough yet to think a date with dad is stupid or goofy. And she just made me laugh.
And I thought of worship…with Rihanna playing in the background. I know..crazy, unheard of…but stay with me. I thought of worship because I want to have Cayden’s kind of commitment to the moment. I want to have that kind of abandonment to the process. Cayden’s only audience was the task. Cayden’s only focus was task.
I want my worship to be like that. Let’s be honest, most of us can stand in Best Buy and dance with a Wii remote with no thought of how ridiculous we look yet flinch at raising our hands in worship to the Creator of the universe. We’ll scream at a football game, high five people we don’t know, have never met, will never see again yet won’t walk across an aisle to learn the name of the person we are worshiping next to.
I want my worship to be like dancing in Best Buy. Spontaneous. Fun. Focused. Committed.
And we did eat ice cream before the meal. Which reminded me of worship as well. That’s what worship is – the ice cream before the meal.
Thank you for kids, Father. They are teaching us how to worship.
Onslaught by Dove Films
Anyone care to discuss? I’m not sure who is running the ad campaign at Dove or making the decisions to run these kinds of ads… but sign me up as a fan. Yes, it is raw and unnerving but so is the message that this industry and our culture as a whole is sending to young girls. Finally, a company with huge resources that stands up and says – no more.
Eulogy for Cheryl Goff
This is pretty much what I said today at Cheryl’s memorial service. I say pretty much because I didn’t really look at my notes all that much. It was a great day to remember her and hear stories from dear friends. It was a great day to reconnect with the crew from Emporia. What good people.
It was a sad day as well.
The word eulogy is an ancient greek word literally meaning ‘good words’. And that’s my task this morning – to put into good words what knowing Cheryl Goff meant. The truth is that’s next to impossible. As so many of you already know – there aren’t words to describe hanging out with Cheryl. There just are no words.
There’s just no words to describe to you what it was like going to a wedding with her. She’d go to any wedding, anywhere. She’d meet the family and immediately start looking for the cashews. I’d say to her – Cheryl, let’s just buy a can of cashews instead of going to all these weddings and she’d say “Well, what fun would that be?”
There’s just no words to explain how Cheryl was related to half of the state of Kansas. And the half that isn’t related to her has eaten at her table.
Cheryl was the model of what the spiritual gift of hospitality is supposed to look like. She always had room for one more around the table. I learned what church was after church on Sunday afternoons at her house. Everyone welcomed, everyone ate.
We’d be leaving the church service and she’d say to me — oh so and so is coming over, and so is this family. And I’d say “Cheryl, we don’t have enough food to feed all these people.” And she’d just pat me on my head and say – “Ohhh, we’ve got plenty. And if we don’t, we’ll make more.”
We’ve got plenty and if we don’t, we’ll make more.
What a model of what Church is supposed to be – not a building where meetings are held but a kitchen and dining room table where life is lived, tears and laughter are shared in Jesus’ name.
There are no words to tell you that the reason my kids are alive today are because of Cheryl Goff. She was a lifesaver for a young married couple in the middle of those black hole years of parenting – kids under 4. She’d invite us over and I’d say — “Cheryl, it’s just to much stuff we’ve got to have to come over.”
And Cheryl would say — “Oh just bring over my babies. I’ve got everything you need.” And she did. Cheryl had playpens, high chairs, toddler toys, bouncy seats, sippee cups, small spoons, and bibs. She had that cool Fisher Price barn with the mooing cow barn doors and the hammer and big wooden nails bench. I can’t tell you how many late nights we had with her because of this.
There are no words to describe Cheryl’s disdain for overhead lighting. When you went over to her house, do not ever turn on an overhead light though. That just wasn’t going to work. Overhead lighting was not allowed in her house. Only lamps, candles and the fireplace. When it wasn’t being invaded by bats. Cheryl didn’t do well with bats…Heidi however was one mean batkiller.
There’re no words to explain why Cheryl liked helping her daughters pack for trips. Of course, the girls had no idea she was helping. Whenever a Goff Girl went on a youth trip — the moment of unpacking became a sacred ritual to see just what Cheryl had snuck into the suitcase. I can’t tell you why those girls needed enough undergarments to last 37 days in the wild. I’m guessing Cheryl could.
One of the last conversations I had with Cheryl was after she had found out the tumor was inoperable. It was 7.56 am at St. Francis Hospital in Topeka. And I asked her “How do you want me to pray?”
She smiled. “You can pray for healing but….I’m not afraid to die. I’m going to see Jesus.”
She was smiling with eyes bright and clear. There wasn’t a hint of resentment or bitterness. There was no dread or self-pity. And for the first time in my life I understood vividly Paul’s words – “for me to live is Christ, to die is gain.”
I don’t remember what I prayed. I didn’t make it very far before the tears started leaking in anyway. I felt so very inadequate in that moment. There was a strength in her faith I do not yet have but hope to one day achieve.
I have two large memories of Cheryl that will never leave me, that continue to push me deeper to Jesus.
The first one is how she treated and loved kids. They would always be “My Cooper, My Camber.” If you were privileged enough to have a child in her class, they would always have those two letters, that one word added to their name for Ms. Cheryl.
“My.” What a powerful word. Possession. Care. Unconditional Love. Safe. You’re mine. I love you. I’m your biggest fan. I’m on your side. My child. There is nothing you could ever do to make me love you less. There is nothing you could ever do to make me love you more.
This is the perfect picture of Jesus and how he loves us. My child.
So to My Britta and My Amelia and My Heidi and My Emma – we grieve today but we grieve knowing that right now she is hearing Jesus say to her “My Cheryl.”
To My Elizabeth, My Isaac, My Kaylee and My Dakota, and to My Ella – what a legacy you’ve been gifted. Know you’re loved deeply.
The second memory, you’ll see at the end of this slide show….
Her laughter. Infectious, wonderful, laughter.
We grieve today because we miss our friend. But we do not grieve without hope, nor do we grieve with solemn face. We grieve with laughter, a smile…because we know she’s with Jesus, laughing. Whole. Complete.
Let’s pray.