Archive for May, 2009
Doing The Math
I hardly ever go to a Christian bookstore. In fact, the last time I went in one was….yesterday. But before that —- can’t remember.
We had a local Christian bookstore in Parker with a coffee shop and stage for live music. It was a great theory, great location, great vibe in the store. There were only a couple of problems.
The books were expensive. I could get the same books for 30% off Amazon or CBD.
It took forever to special order books. Especially when I could get it in two days from Amazon and CBD.
The coffee was the same price as Starbucks and was terrible.
The music was twice as expensive as buying it from iTunes.
So I had a half hour to kill in Topeka, I poked my head into our local Christian bookstore. I ended up picking up a Boice’s commentary on Ephesians. (His 3 volume work on Genesis is a must for any teacher.) I drifted over into the music/dvd section…I noticed that once again, a full priced CD was almost 50% more expensive that buying it on iTunes. The irony was I could buy a CD from my iPhone right there in the store cheaper off of their Wi-fi than walking 10 feet to the register.
I’m not sure how they stay in business. And while I’d love to have a Christian bookstore flourish, I’m not sure that’s going to happen while charging customers up to 50% more for stuff they can get online. They did have this huge gift section with paintings of lighthouses, crosses, and eagles. I’ve yet to see a Christian bookstore without these items.
They Are Different…They Stay Different
It appears that all 3 of our kids are hitting a phase right now that has Amy and I looking at each other like – ‘what bus did we get on?’ You figure out early in parenting that each kid is different. So that’s not new to us. You learn pretty early on that what works with one kid won’t necessarily work with the others. So that’s not what is new either.
What is new is the intensity of the changes and how they not only start out different – they stay different, change different, handle everything different.
What isn’t different? How clueless I feel when faced with their differences.
I handled 18 years of youth ministry, change, culture shifts, other people’s kids, and other people’s problems. Faced with the defiance of my own 6 year old baffles me.
Why is giving grace and mercy to other people’s kids easier than mine own?
I’ve sat with many parents who were frustrated, angry, depressed, and shell shocked at the decisions of their children. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve encouraged parents – ‘It’s possible to be goldy, loving, wonderful parents and have kids that turn out to be hellions.’ I’ve seen the opposite as well.
But this rant has really less to do with my kids, more to do with me. My kids aren’t hellions. Far from it at this stage in life. They push the boundaries. They are in the middle of discovering who they are. They are just being kids…
It’s just I’m convinced that God has put these 3 in my life to point out how selfish I can be, how so not together I am and how ridiculously dependent I am on God’s grace…every single day.
Lost
I got up this morning and immediately noticed two things.
First, I couldn’t open my right eye. Swollen shut. I think Amy beat the snot out of me in the middle of the night. Either that or it’s allergies.
Second, I’ve lost my earring.
My eye – it will eventually heal. My earring – got it in Brazil…it’s more traumatic of a loss. I will continue searching.
Eggshells
One of things that I’m starting to see and feel happening at WH concerns eggshells. As in walking on them. I’ve never been very good around eggshells. (insert your sarcastic comment here, Wayne.) I don’t even like it as a color.
It’s loosening up here. That’s a good thing. But I’m surprised/not really/scared as to how much influence I have on that just because I’m the lead pastor.
I’ve read and heard all the leadership maxims that say “the leader sets the emotional tone for the organization.” I love Tom Peters and Seth Godin believed that…I just have never experienced it like this before.
I’m normally the first one to crack a joke, poke fun and in general goof off in a group. The larger the group, the more likely I’m the clown that’s being the distraction. I’m also normally the first one to be okay with my idea being tweaked, changed, or completely discarded. It’s the ADD. But these things are also the key components in creating an eggshell-less culture.
Is there room to push? Is there room to disagree in laughter? Is there room to get the desired outcome in a different way than originally thought? When I’m challenged, do I first think of self-preservation or think of what is going to better advance our mission at WH? Is there room for people to change their minds, surrender with laughter and honor? Is there room for ‘that’s better than my idea?’
If so – you’ve got the start of something special and wonderful. I do think this is one of those key areas of why I’m at Western Hills. Honestly, there were other guys that could teach better, look better, more organized and more experienced. But in terms of creating a culture where the vision wins, not personalities or titles? That’s my thing. When you constantly work with volunteers that are older, wiser, better, and smarter than you – you have to function that way or you’ll die without friends. And I’ve worked with some old people. 
I’ve seen the other side as well. Easily offended, gets defensive fast, reacts quickly with little thinking, and responds with extremes – sets the whole thing to be Eggshell City. Besides that, people can’t/won’t stay in that kind of drama for very long. The only people that do are others that love the drama…and that’s a recipe for disaster.
So for a church that’s been wounded, it’s good to see the eggshell walking decreasing immensely. They are awfully hard to dance on.
Leadership Lessons…So Far
What I’ve learned thus far….
1. I’m not going to accomplish half the things I thought I would this year.
I’m not sure if this is because I’m the only paid pastor on staff or just the normal course of transitioning for a new pastor. Maybe both. I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing either. It’s made me be more purposeful in deciding where to put leadership energy and resources.
A couple of mentors have told me repeatedly – “Your first year agenda needs to be – love on people, preach the word, ask questions, make some disciples. That’s it. You’re there for the long haul.” Sounds easy enough, right? It’s not. It’s great advice and I’m trying my best to follow it…but there are times when I just want to “DO SOMETHING!!” Which leads me to number 2.
2. You can’t do everything that comes down the pipe.
Let others lead. Give opportunities to others to lead. Yes, somethings will fail miserably. Yes, there will be some falling through the cracks. But don’t own every single thing that comes across desk. When you do start something, finish it. Keep at it. Don’t give up. Keep working. Slow is better than stop.
3. Don’t confuse insight with leadership.
It’s easy to spot problems. It’s easy to spot holes in the system, things that are quite done right or perfectly. It’s easy to see the problems. The ability to see those problems doesn’t make a good leader. It makes a good critic.
Leaders see opportunities….solutions…possibilities. Leaders are willing to put shoulder to the plow to fix it. Leaders WORK the problem, not escalate the drama or create crisis. Secondary principle here for me is this – empower leaders, not critics.
I’ve got more but these three stuck out to me this morning.
McCarter Beautiful Day
It’s taken me awhile to get this on here..but here is how we helped with the school fair at McCarter.
Silence
Yesterday we took a pretty big risk. Well…it felt like a risk at the time. It played out.
Instead of preaching/teaching on the discipline of silence, we just did it. We sat in silence for a little over 13 minutes. Afterwards, I kind of gave some pointers of how to practice the discipline and we went home. That was it.
And I got more compliments than ever. (Insert rim shot)
One of the things I wanted to do when I became a lead pastor was to actually turn Sunday morning into an experience, less observation. The desire is for people to experience God, not just hear about Him or learn about Him. The encounter with God is what is life changing. Head knowledge has its limits. If that knowledge isn’t translated into some meaningful experience, it will be lost forever.
So when we came to the blind guy getting healed, we did the service in the dark. When we unpacked “I am the bread of life,” we baked bread. Instead of teaching on Passover, have a Jew come in and lead us in a seder. And yesterday when we unpacked silence…we got silent. Every week, we ask ourselves how do we involve everyone in this story?
Does it carry risks? Absolutely. But not like you think. I’d guess that lost or curious people of Jesus would wig out at some of the things we do – prayer wall, move around during the service, write cardboard confessionals, sit in the dark and silence – and never come back. It’s actually having the opposite effect. Husbands that hardly darken the door of a church have been showing up more, we’re seeing more of these curious people make decisions to follow Jesus. There is an expectancy on Sunday morning, a desire to engage not just show up.
At risk are those of us ‘leading’.
A new friend of mine recently talked about the church as a ship – cruise ship, cargo, battle, medical – which kind of ship is your church? And yes – all analogies break down at some point – but of those choices the one I least want to be is the cruise ship. The staff exists to entertain and feed and serve you so that you can have a pleasant experience. Do you realize that of those choices the cruise ship is the only one whose mission is itself? “We exist to perpetuate our own existence.” All the others have an external mission – deliver goods, defeat bad guys, heal sick.
And that’s the danger I am capable of becoming. I can totally see how the focus on creativity and impact on Sunday morning morphs itself into a self-perpetuating mission. “We have to do it better, bigger, louder, smoother than we did last week.” “The show must go on.” I can totally see how creativity begins to take the place of God.
That’s why as important and meaningful Sunday morning is – it will never be enough to justify our existence. It’s just one piece of the puzzle.
Let Your Light Shine…
I cried over the phone today.
Then again at dinner.
But let me back up and tell you why first. I get a phone call today, 3pm.
“This is Grant.”
“Hi. My name is Sue (not real name), I’m with 501 USD (school district that kids are in) and are the father of a 5th grade boy at McCarter?”
“Yes.”
My heart gets very heavy, very quick.
“And you’re the new preacher in town, right?”
“Yes.”
I can’t count the number of parents I’ve talked to, listened to, cried with, sat with when they get news that their kid has done something utterly, profanely stupid. I’ve seen the hurt, frustration, anger, confusion. I’ve comforted as best as I can but right now in this instant all I can think of is — I’m about to be one of those parents.
“Well, Mr. English….I don’t know how to say this. I really don’t. I’ve seen a lot of Christian families, dealt with a lot of Christian parents. Almost all of them have been very combative, very judgmental and their kids hellions.”
“But I’ve never seen anything like your son. He’s respectable, honorable, likeable, and honest. He’s smart as a whip and he’s not one of them sissy boys either. Do you know that I overheard some boys talking with him and they asked him about why he didn’t do something and he told them – “Because I love Jesus.” And since he’s a good athlete, they left him alone and respected him.”
“So…Cooper isn’t in trouble?”
“In trouble? No! Well he did get in a little trouble for playing in the water fountain after gym. But when we confronted those boys about it – he was the only one that said he’d been throwing water and he’d clean it up. He was just being a boy, no big deal…but I also heard about what you and your church did for McCarter at the school fair.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Now, I’m a pagan. Never saw much use for God but after seeing your son and actually your girls as well plus what you guys are doing at McCarter…I may have to rethink this Jesus guy. You wouldn’t mind if I showed up at your church one Sunday, would you?”
I can’t really answer her because I’m crying. I’m humbled beyond measure. I stumble out yes, love to talk with you, answer any questions. We just wanted to help McCarter out. That’s it. No big deal.
We talk for a few minutes more, hang up.
At dinner tonight, I replay the whole conversation for the family. Amy tears up. I tear up. The whole family tears up. So I’m becoming a cry baby as I get older but I’m also astonished at how God moves. I shouldn’t be…but I am.
We’re not great parents. We’re parents who love Jesus and love our kids and are trying to figure out how not to ruin the gifts God gave us. I take shortcuts at times…get lazy…get frustrated. I’ve spanked the wrong kid, yelled when I’ve should have listened, and pushed when I should have hugged.
But tonight…I’ve never been prouder of my kids.
Shine…Let them wonder what you’ve got.
Erwin McManus Was Right
I think it was Erwin who said that when you introduce yourself as a pastor, it’s like introducing yourself as a cannibal. No one wants to be around you anymore. They act differently. Every action you take is intensely scrutinized. And no one wants to come over for dinner.
It may sound extreme but there is an element of truth to it. I noticed it this week with my new neighbors. Conversation would be going great and inevitably the conversation would turn to occupation.
“I’m the new pastor at Western Hills.”
Crickets rejoice.
My next door neighbor heard this and said – “I just retired as a part-time pastor at an Episcopal church. So where do you stand on election?” I’m not kidding. Amy was standing right there. Like that’s the first topic I want to talk about with my new neighbor over our lawnmowers.
I did find out some valuable information about our neighborhood before it leaked out that I was a pastor.
They shoot fireworks in our cul-de-sac every year for fourth of July. This is awesome. I’ve waited 3 long years to shoot my own fireworks. We didn’t shoot them in Parker because of the fire bans and stuff. I mean, we shot the little stuff but not the mortars. And mortars are awesome.
They have block parties in the summer. Awesome again. I get to show off my mad grill skillz.
They don’t put up backyard fences because of the football games. There are a bunch of middle school kids that play football in the backyards. Without fences, the space looks like a huge park. Again…this is awesome.
The pastor of another church lives at the end of the street. I know of this guy and he’s got a great reputation around town. He has a trampoline in the back and he let’s his boys play with Airsoft guns. This all bodes very, very well. There is one downside so far though…I’ve seen him mow his lawn on his riding mower with kakhi’s on. Party foul. I couldn’t get close enough to see if he was wearing dress socks. I’ll have to do some further investigating. As soon as I can, I’ll warn him about mowing in dress clothes.
But what other options could I use instead of pastor when asked about my occupation?
I’m a shepherd. (courtesy of Fletch.)
New parole officer.
I’m into sin management.
District mattress police manager.
Central Kansas iPhone evangelist.
Sermon Planning
Yesterday morning I sat down with two other ministry leaders to plan out our year in sermon series. I have a love-hate relationship with this process. I love the freedom it gives us down the road. That’s right – freedom. Planning this far in advance, frees the team up to do more than you can possibly imagine. It gives them think/plan time. Once this gets typed up and communicated, it’s going to help all of our ministries understand where we are going this year and how they can help drive us forward.
The hate part…it’s work. I don’t want to get ahead of God but on the other hand, I’m learning that He’s wired me to run this way. Plus we hold it loosely. It’s hard, gut-wrenching work and it can test a team to the brink – if you value having a team work on it. And I do. I’ve been here 4 months. Not a lot of time to build up the trust tank. But it is what it is…and at some point you’ve just got to risk it.
I’ll share later what exactly came out of the time but as I look back yesterday what was so valuable to me was the time we spent in prayer…seeking God’s face. Here are some of the snippets…
Father, I’m humbled that You’ve entrusted us with the feeding of your people. Give us wisdom in this task.
Spirit of God, work and lead beyond our expertise. Overcome our failings and shortcomings as leaders.
We are driven people in this room. Slow us down. To listen to your whispers.
Prevent anything from getting on the calendar that isn’t of you, from you.
We got a lot done yesterday. But the best thing was a team silent, pleading, listening, asking, knocking, seeking God. If we hadn’t got anything else done, it would have been worth the time.