Chuck Norris doesn’t hate Mondays because if he did, they wouldn’t exist…
I first saw these on jordoncooper.com, so he is getting the ht.
But the full-meal deal is here.
WARNING: DO NOT GO TO THIS WEBSITE IF YOU ARE ON A LADDER, DRINKING DR. PEPPER, OR OPERATING ANY KIND OF MACHINERY THAT REQUIRES YOU TO KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN AND FREE OF TEARS. IF YOU HAVE A WEAK BLADDER, GO PUT ON DEPENDS NOW, THEN CLICK ON THE SITE.
You’ve been warned.
These were selected by Chuck Norris as his favorite Chuck Norris sayings:
* When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
* There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
* Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
* Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
* Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
* Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
* There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
* When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
* Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
* Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
* There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
* Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
* Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
* Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
* Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
* Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
The one I wish he’d had pick:
* Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. He has never cried. Ever.
* Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
* Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
[tags] Chuck Norris facts[/tags]
79 Responses to “Chuck Norris doesn’t hate Mondays because if he did, they wouldn’t exist…”
Chuck Norris only blinks to fit in.
Chuck Norris takes his stack live.
Chuck Norris wasnt born, he was forged.
If Chuck Norris says its funny, you beta lagh.
Somebody just made Chuck Norris not funny anymore? GET A LIFE dude.
Chuck Norris can Unscramble an egg
If GOD needed Superman, he’d call Chuck Norris.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Chuck Norris was on that side
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so fast that his foot broke the space time continuum and hit Amelia Earheart in the face and thats what made her crash.
chuck norris once won a staring contest with a solar eclipse.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because he is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris had actually been dead for 10 years. But the Grim Reaper is too afraid to tell him.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects that Chuck Norris could kill you with… including the room itself.
Chuck Norris once shot down a german fighter plane with his finger, by yelling “BANG!”
On the 7th day, God rested and Chuck Norris took over
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalkers REAL father
Chuck Norris invented water
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill
Chuck Norris can win a game of connect four in only three moves
In the bible.. Jesus turned the water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned the wine into beer
Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn’t take showers, he only takes blood baths
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death
Osama Bin Laden would have given up by now and turned himself over to U.S Forces but when he found out that Chuck Norris was leading the search he stayed where he was.
If a tree fell in the forest, Chuck Norris would be there to hear it make a sound, he’s also the reason it fell because he roundhouse kicked it.
Chuck Norris does not bleed, he leaks battery acid.
I’m thinking Chuck Norris would shut down comments to this post by now.
[...] Wayne – even though he never blogs anymore and therefore it is pointless to link him AND he should blog more because his life is interesting….at least to his own family – had a great but painful comment yesterday about closing the comments on the famous Chuck Norris post. [...]